Forget Me Not

  ALSO BY KATT ROSE

  THE LOSS

  BUILDING IT UP

  A FATHER’S DAUGHTER

  Forget

  Me

  Not

  KATT ROSE

  Country Roads Publishing

  Vancouver Island

  ISBN-13: 978-1-9993994-4-3

  FORGET ME NOT

  Copyright © 2019 by Katt Rose

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Country Roads Publishing, British Columbia, Canada.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Country Roads Publishing are trademarks used under license and registered in Nanaimo, Vancouver Island, Canada.

  www.countryroadspublishing.net

  Cover design by BespokeBookCovers.com

  Formatting by Polgarus Studio

  Author Photo taken by Kyle Trienke

  Table of Contents

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

  CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

  A message to my Readers

  CHAPTER ONE

  I’ve always hated these walls. They have no color. I crave color; I like the warmth but he has no patience for it. Everything in this house is arguably flawless, but it’s cold and it bears no character. The walls shine with white. Is white even a color? I don’t think it should have that right. White walls, white furniture, even the paintings that hang have no meaning, no life. They simply represent a number. And what is that number? Simple….expensive.

  I shifted my heavy eyes to the clock. The loud, ticking clock. Its incessant noise rang loud in my ears. It was just after three p.m. and here I was, alone at the kitchen table. I let out a heavy sigh; this was not how the day was supposed to play out. I was not supposed to sit here in our house so completely broken, knowing my world had shifted. For you see, today my mother did not recognize me. I knew this day would come, but I didn’t expect it to come so soon. Seven months ago my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and though she had begun to fade in and out, she always knew who I was. Always.

  But today, I fell from her thoughts. I was nothing. I simply disappeared. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought back to earlier in the afternoon. My mother’s kind brown eyes were heavy in confusion as I let out a sob at her simple question. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

  “I’m your daughter, Emmy.”

  My mother fluttered her thick lashes once , clearly perplexed. “No, no you can’t be. I’m sorry but I don’t have any children.”

  And in true motherly fashion, she leaned forward and placed my hand within hers. She stroked it comfortingly. “I hope you find your mother.”

  I snapped my eyes open and shoved back the kitchen chair. The legs scraped against the tiled floor and protested with a high-pitched squeal.

  “Emmy! Be careful. That floor isn’t cheap.” Sean, my boyfriend strode in and gawked at me like I was a disobedient child.

  I stared up at his immaculate features, he too, like this house was flawless. Sean’s skin tone was forever kissed by the sun. His dark brown hair fell perfectly and matched his eyes. His physique was hard earned but he wore it effortlessly. Despite his physical perfections, he lacked genuine emotion, mostly sympathy. Work and finances were his true love. They gathered all of his attention; I merely was the cute trophy attached to his arm. Sean would not notice that I was emotionally devastated, not unless it affected him personally. And my mother held no connection to him whatsoever.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “It was a rough day.” I took a shattered breath and my mother’s vacant look flashed through my mind once more.

  Sean raised an eyebrow and took a step closer. “Your mother?”

  “Yes. She…she forgot who I was today.”

  “Well, that’s common for her condition, right?”

  I bristled at his matter of fact tone. “Yes, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “Look on the bright side of things. You don’t have to visit her as often, she won’t know the difference.”

  My jaw gaped open and I stared up at the man I shared a roof with. His eyes fell to me and he shrugged his shoulders carelessly. “It’s true Em. And you know it.”

  “How can you even say that to me? She’s my mother! She will have some good days; I want to be there for all of them. I don’t know how many she will have left…”

  “Suit yourself. “Sean checked his watch. “Oh great. I’m behind schedule. I’ll be home late, I have a meeting at the office today.”

  “Of course you do,” I whispered.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing. I hope it goes well.”

  But he was already gone. And once again, I was alone with the ticking of the clock.

  “Emmy, honey. How are you?”

  My heart skipped a beat at my mother’s words. She knew who I was today. “Hi mom, how are you?”

  My mother raised a brow. “You’re avoiding the question. I asked you first. How are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “No you’re not. Don’t you lie to me young lady. Sit down and spill it.”

  I couldn’t help but smile and did as I was told. I flopped into the plush seat across from my mother. I took my time staring at the vacant white walls and furniture. Everything in this room was clinical and sterile. I began to tap my fingers nervously on the couch and avoided my mother’s eyes. “I’ve been better. You…you didn’t recognize me yesterday.”

  The color drained instantly from my mother’s features and her knuckles turned white as she gripped onto the sides of the chair. Her face twisted with agony and sheer terror. “No.” She gasped. “No!”

  Guilt tore through me and I rushed to her side. My mother stood up abruptly. “How could I forget my own daughter? No! This can’t be possible. How could this happen to me?”

  As my mother’s voice continued to rise a nurse came rushing in. “What’s happening? Audrey, are you okay?”

  My mother turned half wild towards the nurse. “I forgot my daughter yesterday? How could I do that? The doctor said I would have more time!”

  The nurse spoke in a soothing manner. “Audrey, there is no textbook time line on a thing like Alzheimer’s. We try our best to understand it, but each case is unique.”

  My mother took the words in and her brown eyes fell to me. “I’d like to be alone with my daughter please.”

  Th
e nurse studied the situation and nodded. “Okay.” She left the room and shut the door quietly behind her.

  “Sit down Emmy. Please.”

  The sombre tone in which she took left no room for argument. I sat back into my seat and watched as my mother composed her features. When she looked up at me, all the fear she possessed earlier was gone. Her delicate angles looked soft and calm.

  My mother cleared her throat. “I don’t know how much time I have left. Well, moments that I’ll remember anyways.”

  “Mom, ple—“

  My mother cut me off sharply. “Emmy, please just listen to me. First and foremost, you are my heart. I am so proud of who you are as a person and I love you to the moon and back. When my mind disappears, I don’t know where I go. I simply don’t remember it. It’s like I’m asleep and everything goes quiet. It doesn’t entirely feel real to me.”

  I swallowed back the tears that had begun to form. My hand clutched my heart and I had to bite my lip to stop it from trembling. My mother met my gaze and she smiled, ever so softly.

  She cleared her throat once more and continued. “Please don’t ever think that I could forget you; that is simply not possible. You are with me wherever I go. When I do not remember the world around me, or the words I speak, and the mother you know is no longer here, remember one thing. She is not I. She may take my form, but her memories are not my own. Her feelings are not my feelings. You, Emmy, are my world. This disease does not change that. Ever.”

  Through my blurry-eyed vision, my mother held herself with the grace of a swan. She reached across the end table and grasped my hand. “I’m not done yet. There is so much to say in such little time.”

  “What else could there be?” I choked.

  “Leave him.”

  My back stiffened and confusion took over my features.

  My mother went on quickly. “I am stuck with a disease that I did not choose. My mind is going to be muddled, and my life will be compromised. That is against my will. But you Emmy, you’re world has been compromised for a long time by him and that is your choice. You can fix it. It is time for you to walk away. He is your disease, and you hold the power to change it.”

  The reality of her words struck me cold. I knew Sean wasn’t her favourite person but she had never shared her true thoughts with me. When most people first met Sean, they were taken in and charmed by his good looks and seductive smile. But that had never swayed my mother, for she saw him for what he truly was. An anchor.

  “You haven’t been happy for a very long time, Emmy. You surround yourself by miserable people in his world. Shallow and petty; they are not your friends. Your hobbies have long since been erased. I have watched over the years silently, but I can’t do it anymore. Time is running out.” She took a deep breath.

  “I have watched him take little pieces of you over time and bury them away. He was smart about it, I’ll give him that. The pieces he chipped away at first were so small, you didn’t notice. But over time, those tiny fragments add up to who you once were, are, as a person.”

  My mother took a heavy breath and suddenly looked old. “I fear that you are lost. You need to get out, get out now. Being alone isn’t a bad thing. Give yourself time to find yourself. A true partner in life will not stifle who you are, they will nourish it. You need to find your spark again. I did not raise you to settle, I raised you to be a force that dared not be reckoned with.” Audrey took a shaky breath and raised her eyes to mine. “I need to know that you will be happy. Please, Em, try to understand it from my point of view.”

  The words carried with them a heavy blow. My heart ached in a way that I had never felt before. In the depths of my stomach something twisted into a sharp, painful knot. Her words were true, this I knew, and I had known it for quite some time. But it was hard to walk away. I had dreamt of doing so many times, but he always drew me back in. And it was warm, loving, cozy, and safe. But it never lasted long. Once he felt I was compliant once again, things would go back to being the same. Cold, distant, and I became nothing more than his puppet and trophy.

  It wasn’t always this way. In the beginning, I was excited to be seen on his arm, to next to him. No one had ever noticed me before, and all of a sudden, everyone wanted to be me. For once in my life, money was never an issue. He gave me all the clothes and shoes I could only dream about. With him by my side, no place was to far; no dream was out of reach. People envied us. They wanted to be us. Women’s eyes would drink him in, and I could feel men’s stares brush against my skin. But we weren’t the pretty picture we appeared to be. They didn’t see what happened when the dancing stopped and the music came to a halt.

  My mother’s words rang with the harsh truth. Over time, he had taken little pieces of me and put them on the shelf. My new wardrobe quickly replaced my old one. My worn jeans with holes were tossed away, forever erasing my roots and where I came from. A personal trainer was then assigned to me. He moulded me into all the women that frequented the galas and benefits we attended. The next thing to change was my hair. I had thick, espresso hair that brushed against my collarbone. It was the ideal length for a lifetime spent in the barn and on the circuit. But no, it wasn’t good enough. Extensions were put in, and the color was lightened to an unnatural blonde. My blue eyes were heightened by the color, but when I looked into the mirror; I no longer saw myself staring back.

  “Do you like to dance?”

  My mother’s voice tore me from my thoughts. My brows pulled in confusion at her question. “Since when do you dance, Mom?”

  As I studied my mother, my smile fell. Her bright eyes looked faraway and distant. She hummed along to a song only she could hear. My mother suddenly stood up as if she weighed nothing at all. She moved to the song inside her head. Despite knowing that her mind had drifted into a time before me, I was mesmerized by her movement. Her body moved with the strength and grace of a ballerina. She floated over the floor in such a skilled way, I realized at some point in her life she had formal training as a dancer. As I watched her, I wondered why someone so talented would have ever stopped, nonetheless tell me about it. Despite the beauty in the show, sadness overtook me. I wrapped my arms around myself and knew that my mother was temporarily gone. Her mind had taken her away from me, but I took a small comfort in the fact that she looked happy. If she were to slip away forever, I hoped her mind would always take her here, to this place in her memories.

  The nurse entered the room and stopped in her tracks. She, like I, was taken by the talent sweeping across the floor. I gave the nurse a small headshake and she nodded in understanding. I watched in silence as the nurse approached my mother and took her by the hand.

  Hesitation filled my mother and she planted her feet firmly in one spot. “Wait,” she cried out and looked toward me. “Am I in?”

  Confusion once again overtook me. “Are you in where?”

  “The dance academy! Did I make it?”

  I stared at my mother. Her petite body quivered in anticipation, and she wore her heart on her sleeve. I offered her a sad smile. “Congratulations Audrey. You are in. The dance was beautiful.”

  My mother went weak in relief. Her eyes filled with wondrous tears and her hands covered her heart. “Thank you. I promise, I won’t let you down.”

  The nurse smiled at me and gently took my mother by the hand. She allowed herself to be dragged away. All the while, she wore a beaming smile as her mind drifted into the dark.

  CHAPTER TWO

  I drove home in a daze. How could my mother not share this part of her life? Why would she lock up such a talent? So many questions rattled through my head, but loudest of all were my mother’s harsh yet honest words. They dug under my skin and latched on tight. The pain they created made me wince. I applied my blinker and turned onto the familiar street. The large, nearly identical houses loomed over me in the setting sun. Shadows bounced off the immaculate structures and carried with it a darkness that clouded over my spirits.

  I stopped in front of the ir
on gate and punched in the code. As I pulled up the long paved drive I noticed a familiar black sports car parked next to Sean’s. I let out a sigh and checked my reflection quickly in the car mirror. My features looked tired and worn. I reached into my purse and applied a fresh coat of mascara, as well as some lip-gloss. I clicked open the glove box and pulled out a hairbrush, and quickly ran it through my over processed hair. One of Sean’s coworkers was here, which of course meant I had to be presentable.

  As I stepped out of my car and headed toward the house, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hot bubble bath and soak with a glass of wine. But that would not be happening anytime soon. Even though I didn’t understand the business talk, I would be expected to sit next to Sean and put on a happy face. As I stepped through the front door, I pressed it closed as quietly as I could. My heels clacked against the tiled floor and as I approached the closet, I kicked them off happily.

  I pressed my bare feet into the cold floor and enjoyed the feeling of my arch resting flat. I wriggled my toes and smiled. It was a simple act, but it brought a rush of contentment. Loud voices tore my attention away from the other room and I did my best to position a smile on my lips. I followed the noise and stepped into the room. Sean, and his co-worker Will, both dressed in suits turned at my presence. Will smiled but Sean studied my tired appearance and frowned, just for a split second.

  Sean stood up from his chair and wrapped his arm around my waist. “There she is.” Sean pressed his lips against mine. “Come, take a seat. We’re discussing some new companies we’ve invested in.”

  “Sounds exciting.” I sat next to him quietly and gave Will a warm smile.

  As their voices carried on, my eyes fell to my manicured nails. I almost scoffed at how ridiculous they looked on my hands. They would be useless in the barn, dirt would get under them constantly, and the polish would be scuffed. My eyes continued to study my hands, my smooth, flawless hands. I ran my finger over the palm of one and felt empty. I no longer had callouses from the many hours of hauling a wheelbarrow or from tossing bales of hay. Those days had long since been erased now. The familiar clacking of heels stole my attention upwards. I looked up to see Nikki, Will’s secretary stride in with two mugs of coffee. She placed the black liquid in front of the men and smiled sweetly.